Say NO TO RED FLAGS.

Hey everyone – Happy new year! Yes, I’m going to (painfully) say it again – long time no post. It’s been a very long while since I wrote a post please forgive me. The past year has been blissful, busy and beautiful all at the same time. 

Lets pray,

“Father Lord, I thank you so much for the gift of life. Thank you for creating us and giving us another opportunity to experience your goodness  in every area of our lives. I pray as we read this post and go through your word we will be touched and changed even if it’s a little bit. I pray if healing needs to take place that it will do so and start right now. Thank you Lord, we love you.”

I do makeup. I’m a full time makeup artist and that comes with meeting so many wonderful women, hearing so many beautiful life changing stories – good and bad. A lot of the times we have a good chat, sharing personal experiences or just simply finding out how many siblings we have, how we met our spouses or what we studied in university. 

For as long as I can remember, from time and time again I hear of our experiences with the opposite sex and sometimes my heart bleeds. It bleeds over the reality that we queens accept the treatment of rodents. That we say yes to the behaviours we should be saying no too. That we say yes instead of no to the red flags we see in dating or the talking stages. I started to ask myself, ‘Do we know what we want in a spouse? Do our desires line up with God’s desires for us?”

I did a question box on instagram and the question was ‘what is one of your green flags when it comes to a spouse?” And the responses were overwhelming and also very delightful. I’ve inserted a few examples below.

The common answers were “love’s God, kindness, treats women well, respectful, intention, communication, integrity, self awareness, the willingness to learn” and so much more. Most of all, these responses reminds me of the nature of Christ. Read the responses again. All these attributes can be found in the nature of Christ. It is only when I really separated myself from distractions and concentrated on my relationship with Christ is when I started to understand that I do not want anything less than these green flags right here – these attributes that are found in Christ. So I am willing to say ‘no’ to the red flags. I am willing to walk away from the red flags I see in a relationship or a talking stage because I’ve come to know these attributes through Christ and I don’t want anything less.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

You don’t deserve to be continuously broken by a man, lied to, cheated on, disrespected and all the other opposites of the green flags we have above. My desire is to be married one day – happily married so I don’t want to ignore, allow or say yes to these red flags that can follow me into a marriage. I’m not saying anyone is perfect, we are not perfect ourselves but God clearly shows us the red flags to stir us from entering or entertaining situations that will waste our time and leave us broken some how.

Continuously pray about the flags. Ask God to show you how to stir away from red flags and to help you see green flags when a good man comes along. In the meantime, let us also work on ourselves. It starts with us! Let us work on becoming the green flags that we ask for. Let us strive to reflect Christ and his nature more and more. Partner with Christ and he will surely guide and help you. Know his word, become part of a community of believers, join a womens fellowship, reach out to a sister in Christ for accountability. The more you understand the nature of Christ the easier it will be to identify the red flags if they approach you.

You are God’s beloved – continue to learn what that means to you. Pursue Christ, he’s continuously pursuing you. Continue to learn your position as God’s daughter. He’s created you for a purpose and for a use. That purpose isn’t to be abused or disrespected or mistreated and more. So say no when you see it. No matter how single you are or how long it’s been since you’ve been on a date or how deep you are into the relationship. Marriage is a covenant and we want to enter it being confident in the green flags we’ve been presented with. So say no to the red flags – decide to walk away, you will thank God you did.

And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. (Ephesians 3:18-19)

Much love,

Deji Rachel xo.

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